This is what happened to me literally 5 minutes ago and I am laughing so hard tears are streaming down my cheeks. Really, they are the hot tears of shame. Here goes nothing:
At 7 months pregnant, frequent trips to my local DQ are a nightly affair. I now recognize most of the "Blizzard Techs" who work there. My favorite, a 16 year old boy who is always so nice, was working the window this evening. I order my usual drug of choice; i.e. the small Oreo blizzard otherwise known as
heaven on earth. As I go to hand him my debit card a sudden gust of wind blows through our hand-off and with it flies my card. Let me set the scene: somewhere in the dark abyss between my car and the Dairy Queen lays this precious jewel. So I tell him, "No worries, I'll jump out and get it."
Famous last words.
I,
NO JOKE, proceed to get my belly stuck in between the car door and the window of the Dairy Queen. STUCK, like absolutely cannot move. I stammer, I falter, I tell said kind Blizzard tech I'm pregnant like that's an excuse for getting my entire body wedged in between my car and the actual DQ building. I HAVE been more embarrassed before, but not more physically incapacitated. I felt like the golf cart in that Austin Powers scene where Mike Meyers gets said cart stuck between two walls. Inch forward, inch back. Repeat. All the while, shame is hitting me like a ton of bricks. Finally I uncork myself, pull forward, motion for the car behind me to stop, retrieve the debit card and my blizzard, but not my dignity. Then I genuinely prayed for anonymity to befall me...now THAT is a world-class pregnancy story.
Non-fiction.