Bemusings: On Vulnerability

Since Ms. Lane has some time to ponder...
Warning!
Treading into deep water. If you'd like to stay in the kiddy pool for a bit longer I understand; it can be nice! I just got pruney in there soaking for some years.
Lately I've been thinking about image. What we project, what others actually see in comparison to what we intend. I may regret this. In fact I'm sure I will, but I want to know my blind spots in order to refine myself (possibly in the fire if these revelations are painful!). I think I've started on this path, but without outside help I won't get the full picture. In this vein, I'm praying for more to be revealed. And if you'd like to tell me a blind spot; I am open to it even if it might hurt. I suppose in some ways this is an experiment and I think that's allowed. My hypothesis is that by opening myself up to this, not just myself but others will benefit? Maybe that's assuming more than my Mom and Dad read this blog...
I digress.
On masks since these bemusings discuss congruency...
The mask we wear can be put in place for a number of reasons; self-preservation, perfection, guilt, pride, the seven deadly.
You name it.
What we present to the outside world can vary so drastically from what is actually happening in our lives that it can be quite amusing. Or horrible depending on the circumstance.
Metaphorically, this mask is a glass case where our heart is kept. What we think is safe (fear), beyond reproach (perfection), and in some cases hidden (self-preservation) is not. Fragile, yes. But maybe more vulnerable than that.
Seen.
God sees. We are never hidden from Him, even if we are hidden from others, even others we love.
Things He knows about me that I now know to work on: generosity, discretion, and patience.
Back to the lab,

Deja Vu

Remember this incident last year? I just had deja vu in the worst way. The same thing just happened again in my living room with Harper only this time Babe H ATE it. Literally.
I was eating my dinner and when I saw something on her face and shirt I thought she threw up everywhere, but then horrifyingly I realized I had not feed her anything dark green for dinner. No, it can't be. NO!
Oh, but yes. AND...
She ATE it.
The image of her smearing poop across her face and innocently smiling is burned into my brain like a branding iron on cowhide.
I scrubbed her entire mouth, body, and the tub. The carpets, her clothes, my hands.
But still.
I'm officially grossed out. Again.

Lois Lane

Roving reporter. Street smart, but can't seem to recognize that Clark Kent is Superman though all he does is change suits and take off his glasses?
Normally this is me. However, starting to recognize my blind spots.
And I think I'm currently living in Bizarro World.
You know that's the place Superman finds himself in where everything and everyone is backwards or opposite. First, I'm volunteering for every conceivable thing and now I'm ahead of the game for the impending Christmas season. This is so strange because I'm a champion procrastinator; ring leader of last-minute. A detail-oriented girl I am not. Of note, this is something I've recently discovered and it's freeing. Maybe I was fooling myself, but I considered myself detailed. I am meticulous when it comes to painting, writing, and plucking my eyebrows. Things I'm passionate about. With almost everything else it's about simply getting it done; broad strokes (painting pun...I can't seem to help it, dear readers) if you will. Awareness is half the battle, now I prepare for things differently. Accepting this about myself has literally changed my life for the better.

Know Thyself.
Thank you, Socrates. Good advice.

Back to Bizarro World: House decorated? Check. Lights up? Check. First wave of Christmas cards sent? Check. Still there's much much more to accomplish, but I'm so far ahead of where I normally am: maybe this year Lois can kick up her heels and ponder why Mr. Kent is so familiar...

Crystal Clear

It is now crystal clear I am NOT an outdoorsy type of girl. It just isn't for me OR for Pea judging from the meltdown we had at the end of today. However, there actually were some fun times on Crystal Mountain before the meltdown AND most importantly a Christmas tree was obtained despite my doubts as we ascended.
We truly were the Griswold's. Hiking through mountainous terrain in search of a good old fashion family Christmas. The little girls did some sledding, the men hunted and gathered, and the women watched (sidenote: we were there with TWO 7 month pregnant gals!). We purchased our permits in Enumclaw and then headed to ground zero. You cannot imagine how far up the mountain we had to go; I was fearing an avalanche or worse a tumble down the mountain in our Jeep, but as Ty so eloquently put, "You've got to go the distance for the nobles." Our tree is the best we've ever had...thanks to Ty's scouting efforts and epic climb to find the perfect Holiday noble. Go LTG!
Sledding...

Buns in the oven...

shenanigans...

Scout...

Doubt...

Proof!

Giving Thanks 2010

Today was Turkey Day and what a wonderful day it was. My mom out did herself and we had a FANTASTIC meal! Ty ate gluten and carbs, Pea got to cook with Grandma, and I won a game of Yahtzee.
Wishes really DO come true.
We all missed my brother this year, no doubt the life of a CPA during busy season is NOT enviable. However, he was there in spirit and my dad is bringing him some pie tomorrow when he flies down to San Diego.
A wonderful day with family! I'm thankful for them, for our family, health, and so much much more. Pictures below...
P.S. Look for my post tomorrow: we are literally going into the mountains with Andi and Casey and the girls to cut down our Christmas tree. Last year Casey did the dirty work for us. Not so much this year; we have a sled, a saw, and some rope, let's see what happens?

The Best Medicine

Hip Hip Horray!

Not changing my tune; I still strongly dislike hippies and most everything about them. However, my niece Kyla's Hippy themed/rollerskating 5th birthday party was a darn good time! (See pictures below...) Honestly, taking a 3 year old rollerskating is work. Here's a tip, if they can, tell them to crank the skates! Pea had a fab time; Harp enjoyed being pushed around the rink in an umbrella stroller especially by Grandma and Uncle Casey. That said, I can't believe Thanksgiving is around the corner and that takes me back to 5 years ago waiting for my first niece to be born...

Kyla, Aunt Chelsea can't believe you are 5 tomorrow! Where has the time gone? We love you and you love La La Land and that makes us adore you that much more...

T & C files: November

Hey you, yes you. It's been a while. I haven't really updated in detail for a bit and so; we meet again.
The holidays are kicking off with abandon and as I was shopping around this morning listening to Christmas music in the stores, it was obvious to me that we're all longing for a little glamour. And by that, I mean I think we all need to see some sparkle, a dash of magic, and a lot of love this season...am I right?
This month is crazy, but not even close to the insanity that will be December. December is its own separate entity composed of Christmas, Christmas eve, birthdays, parties, progressive dinners, and lots of hip hoppin from house to friendly house. Pictures and comments to follow on subsequent blog posts. Full post on the girls' Christmas outfits; we're doing a Country Christmas this year complete with red cowboy boots. (That was my fancy disclaimer.)
As it stands right now, here's what's up. Pearson is rolling along at preschool still learning and still staunchly refusing to divulge any information regarding her education. She's like Gandhi in her silence and Fidel Castro in her ability to guard her domain. (Yes, I do realize I just compared my three year old to a fascist dictator; I think the comparison is fair.) She's "So essited, Momi" about Christmas coming and has been "reading" the Target toy book, cataloging all the goodies she will order from Santa. She loves to dance lately to the radio in dad's office and "skate" around on the rare occasion she'll wear socks. A product of the recently viewed Disney On Ice show Grandma P and Papa T took her to last week.
Babe H is a delight as previously posted this week. She's in the BEST stage, so interactive, but doesn't crawl yet. I love this time and am enjoying every second I don't spend chasing her. She still just has the two teeth, and as we've recently discovered, is liking large portions of food. Babe H is turning into a little tanker. Her sleep was too good to be true and she's been waking up during the night for about a month. That's ok, we're working on it. Sleep is after all very important.
Speaking of sleep: we may be getting a new bed soon. Which would be INCREDIBLE, amazing, and grand. We both detest our current bed. Each of us sleeping in our own separate islands (divots)...it's scandalous really. Also this would free up a bed for our guest room! Everyone who knows and loves us enough to stay with us is jumping for joy!
Tyler plays Russian Roulette every night between his iPad (to keep updated on fantasy football I'm told) and his cell phone. One of these days something is going to blow up. Possibly from overuse, possibly from me standing over him with a smoking shot gun about to take that hand clean off. As it happens I like the iPad and I'm a decent shot so it will definitely be the cell phone. Quit texting him Casey or Mayer or whoever reads this post...(that's my less fancy disclaimer.)
In other news, we are invited to Kyla's 5th birthday party next weekend. you'll all love this: it's hippy themed. No, really, it is. She can't read yet, so I'm marveling at this cosmic joke.
Yours in party mode (click, click...sorry I'm just reloading)

Birds of a Feather

My newest painting...

All the Single Ladies

Putcha hands up! :) My nieces and Pea LOVE this song and will sing it on command no matter the circumstance. Today using it (of course) as a metaphor; my Bell girls have let me take their picture lately A LOT with Momi. Of course, it is like pulling teeth trying to get Ty into an actual picture, so what? Us girls are doing just fine, thank you...

Don't worry, Be Happy!

This is my little Harper girl. Always smiling. In nearly every picture I have of her; it's either a smile, half smile, or a blank unregistered face. She is very content to hang out, cuddle, and watch the mayhem that is our house right now. Harper, you're a delight...
:)

Lord, Have Mercy

Rejoice with the Manns...Mercy Mann is 3 months old and can come home soon! Praise Jesus; tears as I type...God, you are so good.

Tribute

As it's veteran's day,I thought I'd post this picture of my Grandpa Jerry in the navy. He was a wonderful grandpa who has since passed. And if I don't write it down I may forget so, "Grandpa Paulson, I miss your pockets full of quarters, how much you adored peanut butter fudge, and the fact that you didn't get to meet my girls here (but someday)."

I'm reminded that my Grandpa Birky also served...though I already knew this. He was also the world's best grandpa who always had time for us and loved to call us, "snicklefritz" as a pet name which I'm sure means something funny in German. Both amazing men who I miss. Love you Grandpa B!
With love, Thank you for your service (and all the veterans today)!

Yes (wo)Man

Last year one of my unconscious goals was to become more generous. With time, money, myself; whatever in my power to give. This summer, I just started voicing this goal in prayer and began to extend myself a bit more and a bit more and now apparently I am bat@#$% crazy. I'm sort of not understanding who this new me is, but I'm planning to roll with it. I am, in point of fact, saying yes to everything asked of me these days. Need a volunteer? Sure! Need me to bring over dinner? Why, of course! Need a gift for a teen mom? (I've seen Teen Mom and it without fail causes me heart palpitations...) So YES, yes, and yes.
In no way am I a crabby hermit, but I have in the past been a fierce defender of my alone time, the over-extended, and against schedule-induced insanity. One of the greatest lessons I learned from my mom is that you can make your own schedule and limit was causes you stress. She doesn't wear a watch. Etcetera.
However, I realized this past year that this philosophy which is for the most part a positive thing was limiting my generosity. Not really Christ-like and while there is a season for everything; finding the balance between self-preservation and good works is a constant.
So that said, need something?
It's the perfect time to call...

Bemusings: On Honesty & Authenticity

This theme keeps popping up and I have long since given completely up on the idea of coincidences. So in the (Holy) spirit of God moving in my life, I'll bemuse for a bit on the topic. Recently I have had two friends wear their hearts on their sleeves, which I suppose in this modern world is the equivalent of posting said heart on their respective blogs. Though their themes are in some ways the same, they both wrote with grace and authenticity; without apologies or excuses or cover-ups and for that alone among many other things: I am lucky to call them a friend. Here is Becca's story; Here is Anne's.
Reading these stories has made me dig a trench even deeper into this concept of becoming truly authentic. I am a firm believer that as we share and rejoice in our inequities; Christ is magnified. His work can now be seen, because he has rescued us from loneliness and isolation; little deaths all on their own. Isolation kills our spirit each minute we play a party to it. There is a fine line between being private (which there is certainly a place for) and being ashamed.
While we're on the topic, I believe there is a distinction between being honest vs. being authentic. Honesty, while inherently good can double as a front for self absorption, verbal diarrhea, and the like. Want some honesty? I love tulips, my favorite color is green, I don't like showers, my favorite song is Wild Horses, oh and two days ago my three year old gave my 7 month old a black eye by throwing a block directly at her face from across the playroom. But I digress...
Authenticity involves having faith; it is expressing who you are and what's going on with grace and truth without using that truth as a crutch. I desire to be real, really who I am. Giving myself grace while still moving forward and growing in Christ. Is this all possible? I believe it's the authentic version of "having it all."
Yours truly,