I've been thinking about more funny moments from childhood and thought I'd tell two more. Thinking about making this a three part
series, thoughts? No doubt with my history it could be a blog all its own. Again, going to assess lessons from this Bemusing while I type, but I digress...
In sixth grade my school participated in the DARE program. Did you endure this public school ritual? It was classic early 90's. Circa Spike Lee's
Do The Right Thing. Anyway, somehow Moringside Elementary was assigned the proverbial Bad Cop. I was lucky to witness this as I'm positive this cop was taken off the assignment of educating impressionable minds immediately following this incident. He comes in without a word, heads to the front of the class, nods at Ms. Andrews (a Ms. never to be mistaken with a Mrs. and a chain smoker who knew every European capital city by heart) and proceeds to open with the charming story of a crack head who while high on crystal meth jumps to her death from the top of a building instead of being taken alive by him. I'm quoting now...
Are you kidding me? I was 11. Literally, my first thought was if she jumped to her death, what are a rat pack of unruly sixth graders capable of? I stand by that question...
It was burned into my mind; can you blame me?
Story two.
In eighth grade I was and still am friends with a stellar gal only known to this blog as Manzo. She is hands down the most hilarious person you'll ever have the pleasure of knowing. Folks, we've all been in eighth grade. Image is everything. It's the only thing.
We were at a party, everyone was there. Manz was wearing a pair of paper-thin GAP jeans. I'm laughing already. I prophetically told her then it was the funniest thing I would ever see and certainly it's been close. Resuming story; the jeans were tapered and she had cut the cuffs on each side; creating more room at the ankle. Don't act like you didn't do this. There happened to be a piece of hem hanging off and she was teased into ripping it off by another girl there. Next thing you know, Manzo had accidentally ripped her own jeans in half up to the thigh. And the best part is she for some reason she was wearing hot pink socks. A crying shame. I would guess her embarrassment at this moment as something akin to being "pantsed" in public. She showed to me when I had a mouth full of M&Ms (some things never change) and I spit them all out in laughter. Some kind soul gave her some safety pins, but it went down in history.
Lessons I've learned whilst typing: sometimes it's better to fight then run. Don't smoke meth. And finding a perfect pair of jeans that fit you is worth every. single. penny.