Bemusings: On Will

Definition of will (part 1): volition: the capability of conscious choice and decision and intention.
I'm realizing maybe for the first time that I can be unpredictable to others. Not really a loose cannon (I know a few of those and most of them do not know they are loaded guns), but maybe in a shoot from the hip kind of way. Make a decision and let it ride...

Shoot first, ask questions later.

Timeout: If my overuse of similes and metaphors pushes you to the brink of sanity, I am extremely sorry. I literally can't control it; flowing from my furious fingers like lava (and there we go again...dang.) You can quit reading my posts if so, I am trying to be open to criticism as of late.

Time-in: As I was saying, I'm sure NO ONE I knew from growing up thought I'd move away for school, or get married, or have a child (if ever) before I was even 24. Frankly, that last one did surprise me too. I am at the age now where friends and acquaintances view my life as either The Holy Grail or The Deadly Plague depending on the direction of life as it were. Domestic Bliss? Man-made prison? I'll admit a three week stint with a baby who has an ear infection feels ball-and-chain-esq. No doubt there are mitigating circumstances and ranging opinions or pure ambivalence.
That's all fine and dandy.
Definition of will (part 2): a fixed and persistent intent or purpose.
But I suppose what matters most is what He thinks of my life, my behavior, my growth. I often think about the fact that God knows what we will choose before we make the choice. That He does not foresee our lives, but sees them because He is omnipresent; here then, here now, there in the future. All three, all at the time. To me it is a blessing knowing that nothing is really set in stone except that Jesus is the answer to the question and that He is victorious. Our lives can be lived dynamically as an interplay with Him; a mutual relationship and not fatalistically. We have will, He has a perfect will. I suppose then the goal should be aligning them as we live out our life with Him, not despite Him.
Definition of will (part 3): bequeath: leave or give by will after one's death.
This is what I want part of my legacy especially for my girls to be.

Gosh, you guys. I am a writing machine this week. I have been wanting to write these things down. Maybe my diary is a better choice? I guess life's too short to hold back. However, I promise a lighter note in subsequent posts this week...maybe something on ice cream or kisses or Christmas decor. And not poop, definitely not poop...

Bemusings: On Vulnerability

Since Ms. Lane has some time to ponder...
Warning!
Treading into deep water. If you'd like to stay in the kiddy pool for a bit longer I understand; it can be nice! I just got pruney in there soaking for some years.
Lately I've been thinking about image. What we project, what others actually see in comparison to what we intend. I may regret this. In fact I'm sure I will, but I want to know my blind spots in order to refine myself (possibly in the fire if these revelations are painful!). I think I've started on this path, but without outside help I won't get the full picture. In this vein, I'm praying for more to be revealed. And if you'd like to tell me a blind spot; I am open to it even if it might hurt. I suppose in some ways this is an experiment and I think that's allowed. My hypothesis is that by opening myself up to this, not just myself but others will benefit? Maybe that's assuming more than my Mom and Dad read this blog...
I digress.
On masks since these bemusings discuss congruency...
The mask we wear can be put in place for a number of reasons; self-preservation, perfection, guilt, pride, the seven deadly.
You name it.
What we present to the outside world can vary so drastically from what is actually happening in our lives that it can be quite amusing. Or horrible depending on the circumstance.
Metaphorically, this mask is a glass case where our heart is kept. What we think is safe (fear), beyond reproach (perfection), and in some cases hidden (self-preservation) is not. Fragile, yes. But maybe more vulnerable than that.
Seen.
God sees. We are never hidden from Him, even if we are hidden from others, even others we love.
Things He knows about me that I now know to work on: generosity, discretion, and patience.
Back to the lab,

Deja Vu

Remember this incident last year? I just had deja vu in the worst way. The same thing just happened again in my living room with Harper only this time Babe H ATE it. Literally.
I was eating my dinner and when I saw something on her face and shirt I thought she threw up everywhere, but then horrifyingly I realized I had not feed her anything dark green for dinner. No, it can't be. NO!
Oh, but yes. AND...
She ATE it.
The image of her smearing poop across her face and innocently smiling is burned into my brain like a branding iron on cowhide.
I scrubbed her entire mouth, body, and the tub. The carpets, her clothes, my hands.
But still.
I'm officially grossed out. Again.

Lois Lane

Roving reporter. Street smart, but can't seem to recognize that Clark Kent is Superman though all he does is change suits and take off his glasses?
Normally this is me. However, starting to recognize my blind spots.
And I think I'm currently living in Bizarro World.
You know that's the place Superman finds himself in where everything and everyone is backwards or opposite. First, I'm volunteering for every conceivable thing and now I'm ahead of the game for the impending Christmas season. This is so strange because I'm a champion procrastinator; ring leader of last-minute. A detail-oriented girl I am not. Of note, this is something I've recently discovered and it's freeing. Maybe I was fooling myself, but I considered myself detailed. I am meticulous when it comes to painting, writing, and plucking my eyebrows. Things I'm passionate about. With almost everything else it's about simply getting it done; broad strokes (painting pun...I can't seem to help it, dear readers) if you will. Awareness is half the battle, now I prepare for things differently. Accepting this about myself has literally changed my life for the better.

Know Thyself.
Thank you, Socrates. Good advice.

Back to Bizarro World: House decorated? Check. Lights up? Check. First wave of Christmas cards sent? Check. Still there's much much more to accomplish, but I'm so far ahead of where I normally am: maybe this year Lois can kick up her heels and ponder why Mr. Kent is so familiar...

Crystal Clear

It is now crystal clear I am NOT an outdoorsy type of girl. It just isn't for me OR for Pea judging from the meltdown we had at the end of today. However, there actually were some fun times on Crystal Mountain before the meltdown AND most importantly a Christmas tree was obtained despite my doubts as we ascended.
We truly were the Griswold's. Hiking through mountainous terrain in search of a good old fashion family Christmas. The little girls did some sledding, the men hunted and gathered, and the women watched (sidenote: we were there with TWO 7 month pregnant gals!). We purchased our permits in Enumclaw and then headed to ground zero. You cannot imagine how far up the mountain we had to go; I was fearing an avalanche or worse a tumble down the mountain in our Jeep, but as Ty so eloquently put, "You've got to go the distance for the nobles." Our tree is the best we've ever had...thanks to Ty's scouting efforts and epic climb to find the perfect Holiday noble. Go LTG!
Sledding...

Buns in the oven...

shenanigans...

Scout...

Doubt...

Proof!

Giving Thanks 2010

Today was Turkey Day and what a wonderful day it was. My mom out did herself and we had a FANTASTIC meal! Ty ate gluten and carbs, Pea got to cook with Grandma, and I won a game of Yahtzee.
Wishes really DO come true.
We all missed my brother this year, no doubt the life of a CPA during busy season is NOT enviable. However, he was there in spirit and my dad is bringing him some pie tomorrow when he flies down to San Diego.
A wonderful day with family! I'm thankful for them, for our family, health, and so much much more. Pictures below...
P.S. Look for my post tomorrow: we are literally going into the mountains with Andi and Casey and the girls to cut down our Christmas tree. Last year Casey did the dirty work for us. Not so much this year; we have a sled, a saw, and some rope, let's see what happens?

The Best Medicine